How do you deal with disappointment?
For all the times I talk to other people who are having a
terrible day and try to console them, for all the times I ask people to list
the good things that are going on so
that they can put things in perspective, for all the times when I tell someone,
“It’ll be ok – tomorrow is a new day” – I feel like I should be able to handle
my own trials and tribulations better.
Avery and I have been planning on Christmas in Haines for
weeks – getting all excited about it and spirits have been high. Every time we talk to my folks we mention how
much fun it’s going to be to be all-together again (that hasn’t happened since
Christmas 2009 I believe) – Tyler and Josh are even flying up from Bellingham! Today (Friday) I woke up knowing that I’d be
on a flight tomorrow morning and all set for a full week +1 day in Haines with
the family. Life was good this
morning.
At lunch Avery called me.
His boss told him this morning that he
couldn’t go on his trip. She gave him
verbal permission 3 weeks ago that he could have this time off. She gave him
written permission earlier this week. Then today she said that she scheduled a
bunch of phone interviews for him to do on Thursday so he couldn't go on his
trip after all. The trip that she had already given him permission for. He
asked her 3 times today to reconsider - told her it was holiday travels to be
with family - that he had a SCHEDULED OUT OF TOWN TRIP! And she told him that
he had to be in his office on
Thursday morning. And there's no flights or ferries on Christmas (the ones on Christmas Eve don't work for us). So because of her precious phone interviews that couldn't even wait
until Friday she up and decides that we can’t be in Haines for Christmas with
our family.
I’m not upset with her. I’m outraged.
Early today when I first found out, then
I was upset. I spent my last 3 hours at
work crying every time I remembered that I wouldn’t be going to Haines for
Christmas after all. Even when I had
kids in the room and we were doing a reading lesson – I couldn’t help it. I know what I’ll be missing out on. The first Christmas Eve service in the new
church. Everyone coming out of the
bedroom in their pajamas on Christmas morning, just like when I was a kid. Luke being a big enough boy this year to open
his presents with zeal and show excited faces when he realizes what he got. A
hot breakfast just like we always had after presents. Getting dressed up to go outside for sledding
or just to play in the snow. Luke’ll be
able to play outside this year. He’ll
look adorable in his little snow outfit and Haines snow is so much prettier
than Juneau snow. Christmas music
playing while we cook a Christmas dinner and then everyone dresses up so we can
sit all refined-like at the table while we drink sparkling cider out of
champagne glasses – it always made me feel so grown up when I was younger
(still does, to be honest). Playing
games, laughing, just being together as a family on what is kind of the biggest
family day of the year we have. I’m
missing out.
It’s not like I’ve never had a
Christmas not in Haines ‘cause I
have. But I was a day away from this highly anticipated trip. One day away – and it got taken. My brothers were coming. Kayla and Josh are there with 2 adorable
nephews. Luke is old enough to appreciate
Christmas this year. The first Christmas
Eve service at the new church - I was crushed.
Then after Avery came home and gave me more details I became outraged at
how she could do this to us. What can
Avery do? Quit? Not likely – we need the money. So what to do?
Well, after much tears and much
surveying of the ferry/airlines schedule to confirm that it would not work for
us to be in Haines for Christmas Eve/Day and that the best we could do is 2 ½
days in Haines before coming back on Monday night, I had to think about how
best to handle this disappointment.
First thought was getting in touch with Avery’s boss to let her know
exactly what I’m thinking. Decided
against that. Next thought was that I
needed to drown my sorrows in Lark Rise to Candleford and chocolate. Did that for 2 hours. Decided I should find a more permanent
solution to the problem. Started talking
to God. Asked Him for some help ‘cause I
couldn’t get myself out of my funk.
He started bringing things to my mind –
things like, it could be worse. You
could have no days at all in Haines (2 ½ days are better than none). You could have no family at all to be with on
Christmas Day – I will be with Avery
(my best friend). I could be really sick
in a hospital or in poverty where I’m living in a shelter instead of an
apartment. So ok, it could be worse.
Then He started bring other things in –
things like, what is Christmas about anyway?
Is it about pajamas and hot breakfasts, presents and sledding? No, Christmas is a time to be with family,
yes, (and I do get 2 ½ days with everyone else – and I will be with Avery the whole time) and a season of thankfulness and
hope, but more importantly, it’s a time to remember Christ. While it’s highly unlikely that His real birthday is December 25th,
that day is a day we should use to remember how that’s where it all started –
Him coming as a babe and laying in a manger.
And I can celebrate His coming anywhere, with anyone, in any
circumstance.
Life will go on. We’ll make the most of our Christmas Day –
thanking God for His Son, Avery and I will have the whole day together to do
what we wish, and it’ll be fine. The
rest of the week it’ll be so quiet for me here in town that I’ll get caught up
on my huge to-do list and maybe read a book or two or three. Life will go on.
So how did I deal with disappointment?
Lots of crying, then anger, then less anger (the outrage is still there but the violent outrage is gone), then God’s reminder of
perspective. Eight hours, 2 hours of
T.V., chocolate, 2 Aspirin, a box of Kleenex, and a talk with God and I’m
ok. Still a little bummed, of course,
but willing to make the most of the situation rather than wallow in
self-pity. Maybe it’s good for me to be
reminded of how it feels to experience extreme disappointment and to practice
overcoming it. Regardless of this major
Christmas wrinkle, I will have a
merry Christmas because I can and I'll say:
Merry Christmas, everyone!
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